When men look in the mirror, they flex and wink at themselves. Women, on the other hand, mutter aloud about last night’s carbs. Aaron Traister has an urgent plea: Relax! To that guy at the other sink, you’re a total babe.

Like most men, I love the fact that Thanksgiving is all about food, family, and football. I have no qualms about eating until it literally hurts and then lying down in front of the TV to moan softly while I nurse a glass of scotch, watch whatever game is on, and hopefully digest enough of the pain away to be ready for dessert. The elders of the group are afforded the respect of easy chairs and couches, while the younger men of our tribe are relegated to whatever spots they can scrounge on the floor.

But my wife, Karel — along with the other women in her family — has never joined this Y-chromosome ritual. She does not give in to thoughtless gluttony during the holidays, or, for that matter, on any other day. It’s not that she’s a paranoid counter of calories or fat grams, it’s just that she is aware of what, and how much, she is eating. It’s like there’s an invisible finish line of food that only Karel can see, and if she steps even a few feet over it, every time she sees herself in the mirror for the next week she’ll grab her belly and say, “Look at how big my stomach is” or, “Look at how much weight I’ve put on this week.” Meanwhile, I’m making the best possible use of leftovers by sandwiching turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, and green beans between two slices of chocolate-chip pecan pie.

The stories I hear from my guy friends go pretty much the same way. Their wives behave a lot like Karel, who gazes in the mirror and critiques every part of her amazing body. It’s impossible for her to look at photos taken in the months after she gave birth to the kids without commenting on how “chunky” she was. She’s forbidden me to hang up some of my favorite photos of her because she can see mysterious flaws or proportional eyesores that I and the rest of the world are completely oblivious to.

By contrast, when I look in the mirror, I don’t see my faults. I stand there naked and make funny faces and flex muscles and never once see the pound or two that I gained over Thanksgiving — let alone the extra 15 pounds I’ve hauled around since my 19-month-old daughter, Josie, was born. All I’m thinking is, Hey, not bad for a 32-year-old.

Seriously, I understand that there are plenty of guys over 30 who are in much better shape than I am, but why would I compare myself to them? I might give myself a complex. Besides, I (and most of the other guys I know) realize that our looks played only a small part in landing our wives. Sure, they factored in, but they pale in comparison to our sense of humor, our ability to provide security, and that confusing, uncontrollable thing we call love. I may not know what it is, but Karel seems to see something in me that compensates for my concave pecs and deforested hairline.

I worry that she thinks it’s different for women — that men fall hard for their looks, then expect perfect maintenance. But that’s far from the truth. I may have noticed Karel initially because her personal-trainer-sculpted body had hills and valleys that would make Julie Andrews burst into song. But I’m here long after climbing every mountain because I fell in love with her funniness, her border-collie-like enthusiasm for life, and the nearly aneurysm-inducing sex. Guys may be shallow, but we’re not stupid. We understand how the human body ages, and most of us have a fairly good grasp on the difference between fantasy and reality. I’ve never expected Karel to always look like she did when we first met. I thought she was stunning the moment I laid eyes on her nine years ago, and I thought she was stunning the moment she walked through the door half an hour ago — for very different reasons.

With the exception of a few tattoos, the Karel I married eight years ago looked like an alluring, 26-year-old blank slate waiting to be filled with stories, aglow in the possibilities of youth. But I imagine that staring at a blank page for the rest of your life would get boring, which is why it’s so hard for me to understand how she can pinch and grab and criticize the parts of her that tell the best stories of our life. The scars on her belly, the changing shape of her breasts, the lines that are starting to appear on her face — these aren’t imperfections; they’re what keep me wanting to find out what happens next.

In a relationship where Karel is usually the sensible party, it’s ironic that I’m so much more practical about body image. I know a day of gluttony won’t kill me, and that health and beauty have just as much to do with your heart and mind as they do with your body.

So, reader, if somewhere deep down a part of you has always wanted to join the menfolk on the living room floor after Thanksgiving dinner, go for it. We’ll share the scotch, we’ll make sure you have a view of the game — hell, Grumpers might even let you wield the remote. And your guy will be thrilled to have your hot body stretched out by his side.

Straight answer from the Whys Guy
Dear Whys Guy: My husband has such bad road rage that we can barely stay in the car together for an hour. I miss taking driving vacations where you stop and see sights. Help! —Tina, NE

Tina: I’m really the wrong person to answer this question, because I’m the best driver on earth, so it’s completely reasonable that every other driver on the road infuriates me. As for getting your dude to calm down long enough to visit the Second Oldest Continuously Burning Lightbulb just outside of Fort Worth, uh… you could drive?

No, no, hear me out.

My wife gets crazy carsick when she’s not driving, so she takes the wheel more often than not. I gotta tell you, it’s great. I navigate, keep the snacks coming, and control the music, and she gets us where we’re going with minimal cursing and hand gestures. Why not try that for a week? If your man is reluctant to hand over the keys (which I’m guessing he will be), just start groaning and tell him you’re gonna be sick all over the dashboard. It worked for my wife.

You’ve met a great man — wahoo! — and it’s serious enough to imagine getting hitched. But is it possible to know if it’ll last forever and (almost) always make you happy? Experts reveal six key factors you should consider.

ately, it seems like you can’t open your Web browser without seeing some headline about a famous married couple calling it quits. And while it’s no surprise when Charlie Sheen’s latest union implodes, you’d think that super-together stars like Sandra Bullock and Kate Winslet would be able to pick winners. How is it that a woman can pledge eternal love in front of all her family and friends and then discover that she’s mistaken about the man?

In a recent Cosmo survey, nearly two-thirds of you reported being worried about making a bad choice and winding up divorced. But experts say you can protect yourself from that fate if you evaluate your relationship pre-engagement according to a few important elements. “There absolutely are ways to judge if a man is marriage-worthy and reduce the chances you’ll pick the wrong partner,” says marriage and family therapist Terri Orbuch, PhD, a sociology professor at the University of Michigan. “Considering these points will help you understand whether you and he have similar underlying values and whether you’d be getting married for the right reasons.” Here are six things you should do to help determine whether your boyfriend is the love of your life or possibly your future ex-husband.

Don’t Just Dismiss His Past
Is there a chapter of your boyfriend’s history that bothers you because it so doesn’t sound like the guy you know? Then you need to decide if your relationship could survive a repeat, because odds are good that old habits will return.

“The best predictor of his future behavior is his past behavior,” says Orbuch. If his relationship history is a sordid tale of flings and bitter exes, it’s tempting to think that you’re the one woman fabulous enough to reform him.

From a boyfriend who took allergy shots so he could give his girlfriend a puppy to the book that helped one girl (finally!) find the right shade of foundation, Cosmo editors and readers told us about the presents they’ll never forget.

Golf Lessons Some friends of mine bought me and my husband golf lessons. Learning to play reminded me that it’s important to continuously try new things because you never know what might spark your interest. I still golf (even though I stink at it), and I try to always push myself to check out new activities like belly dancing whenever I can. —Korin, 29

We turned our clocks back this weekend, and that means one thing: It’s gonna be dark! And those fewer daylight hours, plus the cold weather, can be pretty cruel to your mental state. These tips will help you stay sane.

1. Turn on your lights as soon as your alarm goes off—trying to get ready for work in the dark will only make you sleepier and more sluggish.

2. Wake up to the smell of coffee. Set your coffeemaker to turn on a few minutes before you rise and breathe in the irresistible scent.

3. Bundle up and take a walk during lunch. The artificial light you’re under all day is no substitute for the real thing. Getting out and actually soaking up whatever sun you can while breathing fresh air will lift your spirits.

4. Make happy hour pacts. It can be so easy to run home straight after work, but parking yourself in front of the TV or Facebook every night will only depress you. Agree to meet your friends once a week for drinks.

5. Have before-dinner sex. Is there any better way to take advantage of the last hour of daylight?

6. Take a vitamin D supplement, which has mood-enhancing benefits. In the colder months, you just can’t get enough naturally from the sun’s rays.

7. Re-decorate. When it’s grey outside, make it bright inside. Add splashes of color to your home with poppy lamps and pillows. Or, if you’re feeling especially adventurous, paint your walls yellow for maximum happiness infusion.

8. Pick up a few buds from a local shop to display in your apartment for some much-needed freshness and a little life.

9. Plan a mini outdoor getaway. Don’t spend your days off inside and waste daylight you can enjoy. Go sledding or explore a nearby town and check out the holiday window displays, which are usually great this time of year.

10. Have a romantic dinner by candlelight. Take advantage of the darkness and turn your apartment into the ultimate sultry escape. We don’t need to tell you what happens next.

The old method of getting over a guy involved nothing more complicated than a tub of ice cream. These days, your tactics have to be tech-savvy.

Splitting up sucks. You got dumped, you cut him loose…sometimes it doesn’t even matter. Fact is, there’s pain and sadness and anger, and that’s never going to change. (Sorry.) And these days, getting over a split may be tougher than ever. “Technology is a huge obstacle,” says relationship therapist Belisa Vranich, PsyD, coauthor of He’s Got Potential. “Facebook and Twitter make it incredibly difficult to move on because you’re bombarded with reminders of the guy on a daily, even hourly basis. Plus, texting means keeping up contact is easy and impersonal, causing a lot of confusion and mixed emotions. Unless you take specific actions to address these issues, you’re in for a rough time.” We asked experts for the updated rules on dealing with the grief and the guy and finally getting your life back on track.

RULE 1: Block Him on Facebook Pronto

Seeing a tagged photo of your former guy with his arm around some chick is pretty much the last thing you need to add to your freaked-out state of mind during this mourning time. Even if there’s nothing as blatantly agony inducing as that, little news-feed updates or minor profile tweaks serve as constant reminders of him that will start to eat away at you. “That period after leaving someone can be very emotional, and you really need a clean break to get your head on straight,” says Ilana Gershon, PhD, assistant professor of communications and culture at Indiana University and author of The Breakup 2.0: Disconnecting Over New Media. “Besides, it’s easy to become obsessive and read too much into minor things — like if you see that he’s online at 2 a.m., you may jump to the conclusion that he can’t sleep because he’s thinking about you when he’s really just pulling a late night.”

Assuming the relationship ended on decent terms (meaning, he didn’t turn into a complete asshole and cheat or anything like that), defriending him is overly aggressive. After all, in a few months, you may want to be friends or at least look back fondly. Instead, just block him in your privacy settings so his updates don’t show up. Later, when you feel better about things, you can unblock him.

RULE 2: Watch What You Post Online

Once you’re kind of done with crying, you usually enter that pissed-off phase. You are angry that it didn’t work out and want to show him you can do better or, at least, you’ve moved on. And technology like Facebook and G-chat facilitates doing that. But don’t go there. Putting a G-chat message that says something like “Can’t wait for my date tonight!” or tagging a picture of yourself hugging some random cutie at a bar can actually backfire and keep you from truly going forward. “It’s easy to fool yourself into thinking that you’re getting over him because you’re seeing other guys and publicizing how busy and fun your life is now,” says Vranich. “But if you’re posting your every move with the hope that your ex or one of his buddies sees it, you’re really just keeping yourself wrapped up in your old relationship.”

Look, getting out there and doing stuff is great. But running home so you can update these sites means your motives are misguided. Plus, having those petty posts online will make you feel really crappy in the long run. “Remember that what you’re doing can be seen by all your friends and even some strangers,” says Gershon. “Do you really want your rebounding to be public fodder?”

Obviously, it’s unrealistic to stay off social-networking sites completely (hello, they’re addictive!), but you can control what you post. So take a break from updating your status, tweeting, and G-chatting about anything personal.

RULE 3: Whatever You Do, Don’t Text Him

Eventually, you’ll get to the post-split emotion of missing him, which usually happens when you’ve been broken up for a while. You may start to forget why you went your separate ways or think the reasons you did so no longer seem like a big deal. And those feelings can cause you to make a major mistake.

“It used to be that a girl might consider drunk dialing her ex, but doing it took a lot of guts since she’d have to hear his voice and come up with something to say,” points out Dean Parker, PhD, a clinical psychologist and relationship therapist. “But texting? That’s emotionally removed, so if you miss him, it’s easy to fire off a quick line or two because it doesn’t require that much personal investment.”

While it’s simple physically to send the text, the emotional ramifications are hard to deal with. “Not only are you breaking down, but he may feel obligated to respond, even if he’s not ready, and you’ll be upset if his text back isn’t enthusiastic,” says Vranich. Plus, you’ll have the words archived, so you can reread and obsess over it.

The time you’ll most likely be tempted to text him is when you’re tipsy. So take extra precautions: Give your phone to a friend at the beginning of the night. If someone else has your cell, you’ll have to ask for it back, which will give you time to reconsider. Or change your ex’s name in your phone to Do Not Text. It’ll act as a reminder that you really don’t want to reach out to him despite what your boozed-up feelings are telling you.

And if he texts you, it can be just as tough to deal with. You don’t want to ignore him, but you also don’t want to open the door to more communication. “Obviously, what he texts will determine what you are going to shoot back, but the key is to be friendly without inviting more,” says Vranich. Write something like “Nice to hear from you. Really busy right now, so I will have to catch you later.” That way, you’re nicely letting him know you don’t have time for him right now. And then you can focus on moving on.

Listen up as we reveal the magic words that will take you and your guy to new heights of excitement! Surprisingly, they’re actually printable.

When you think about what makes sex good, the physical factors most likely come to mind: how you touch each other, the positions you try, and the body parts you focus on. But there’s another key contributor that is often overlooked: the words you utter. “Speaking or hearing erotically charged words stimulates dopamine transmission, which plays a huge role in sexual excitement,” explains Ian Kerner, PhD, author of Passionista. “They can enhance the emotional and physical intensity of the experience.” Sounds great…but what should you say that won’t seem ridiculous? (Unless you’re a porn star, “Do me hard, bad boy!” probably doesn’t roll off the tongue.) “Most women aren’t sure what sounds sexy, so they don’t say anything,” says Logan Levkoff, PhD, a sexologist in New York City. As a result, you’re missing out on pleasure — which is so not right. Here’s a revelation: On a Sirius Cosmo Radio show about talking sexy in bed, tons of guys called in to share the phrase that gets them hotter than any other. By a landslide, it was “I’m coming.” Yup, that’s it. And what about women? Are there words with similar superpowers for us? We turned to Kerner, who divulged a sentence tailored to maximize your satisfaction.

For His Pleasure
“I’m coming.” So simple, so powerful. This sentence is like the sex version of bacon — men freakin’ love it. “Being a great lover is a prime source of pride for guys,” Levkoff says. “Telling him you’re about to orgasm is the ultimate accolade.” It’s proof that he’s successfully satisfying you. What’s more, he’s gotten you so aroused that you’re out of control — this phrase suggests that even if you tried, you couldn’t stop from tumbling over the edge. Announcing your orgasm’s arrival also amps up anticipation for that pivotal moment, thus enhancing enjoyment for both of you. “Plus, since most men are ready to climax before women are, this gives him permission to come,” Kerner says. That’s definitely music to his, um, ears.

For Your Pleasure
Women, on the other hand, want something less basic than bacon. What Kerner suggests: “I love it when you [verb] my [body part],” such as “I love it when you rub my thigh/kiss my neck/lick my breasts.” He explains, “Verbalizing the sensation brings your attention to it, which reinforces the pleasure you’re experiencing.” It’s like eating a yummy meal — talking about how delicious it is can make it even tastier. This phrase also helps you stay in the moment, Kerner adds. If your mind starts wandering or you’re stressing about other stuff, expressing what’s happening to you keeps you focused on what you’re feeling that second. Your guy gets off on it too. “It shows him that he’s doing something right,” Levkoff says. And once he knows you dig that move, he’ll probably repeat it. Excellent.

Last night the condom broke, and I’m worried about becoming pregnant. What’s the deal with the morning-after pill, and how can I get it?

One brand of EC is Plan B, but specific combinations of certain birth-control pills can also be used for the same purpose (visit ec.princeton.edu/questions to find out more). No matter what type of EC you take, the concentrated doses of hormones may cause temporary side effects like nausea, vomiting, and dizziness.

Most states require a prescription to obtain EC, so call your gyno or Planned Parenthood (800-230-PLAN), contact 888-NOT-2-LATE, or check out the Website listed above. If you know that a nearby pharmacy stocks EC, you can get a prescription by going to getthepill.com. However, some pharmacies in California, Alaska, Washington, New Mexico, Maine, and Hawaii are able to provide the pills without a prescription. If you want to find out more about the availability of EC in your state, visit go2EC.org.

While EC should get you out of this bind, a condom shouldn’t break if it’s used correctly. Perhaps the tip wasn’t pinched as it was rolled onto your guy’s shaft, trapping air inside. Or the latex may have deteriorated if you used an oil-based lube. Read Why Do Our Condoms Always Break? to learn how to prevent this from happening again.

Try these seven naughty and totally novel bedroom tactics.

If there’s one absolute must-have when it comes to claiming great-in-bed status, it’s a signature move — a completely original carnal maneuver that will make him never want any other woman again. Maybe it’s a wrist flick that turns a ho-hum hand job into an award-winning performance. Or an oral-sex trick that locks you in his memory forever. To help inspire you, we found seven frisky femmes whose turn-him-on techniques are so creative they should be trademarked. Then we pumped their boyfriends for the lowdown on how these tactics rate on the sexual Richter scale. (Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.) Read on to learn how to crib these easy-to-master moves — plus the scoop on how to develop your own!

With these scorching bedroom tricks, you may have to put the fire department on speed dial.

Pop quiz: When is your body best primed to get busy? If you’re thinking Um, right now? you’re our kind of girl… and you’re totally correct.

So why not make the most of that healthy lust? We checked in with top experts to get the best booty tricks you may not have tried yet. Work your way down the list in succession or mix and match moves custom-made for his package. Either way, let the games begin.

1. Have a naughty-movie marathon. Rent a bunch of flicks with famously steamy sex scenes. How could you not get inspired?

2. Intensify his orgasm by placing two fingers an inch behind his balls and feeling for a dent (the perineum, a big pleasure trigger). For the last 30 seconds before he comes, massage the spot in a circular motion.

3. Tie two or three knots in a nylon stocking, and gently wrap it (don’t tie it) around the base of his penis so it’s snug but still has some give. The compression makes him even more sensitive, and the knots stimulate your clitoris as you move in girl-on-top.

4. Put a small mirror out to the side, parallel to his body, while you’re going down on him — he’ll have an eye-popping view.

5. To make his orgasm explosive, gently squeeze the base of his penis for five seconds before he comes, then release.

6. Close your eyes and masturbate in front of him. It’s a turn-on because he’ll feel like the only viewer of a private porn show.

7. Text your man racy one-word messages that, when strung together, hint at what you want him to do to you that night.

8. Make a playlist of sultry songs, and set it to shuffle during sex. Change up your pace and mood to match each new tune.

9. Buy a small, bullet-shaped vibrator that has a remote operation. Hold it over your clitoris, and hand him the controls.

10. While your man is hard, use one hand to push his penis up toward his stomach. Lick the underside of his shaft by keeping your tongue flat and moving your head from side to side to cover more surface area.

11. While he’s giving you oral sex, tell him to insert a finger in your vagina and stroke your G-spot with a come-hither motion.

How do you turn him on? Oh, let us count the ways. Consider this your must-do list of sex tips to tease, squeeze, and totally please your guy!